weight loss

Losing Weight VS. Gaining Love

As I just read about how losing weight is the number 1 New Years resolution, I wanted to come in with my relationship pom-poms and sweetly remind you that what you May we care more about how much love we feel than how much we weigh.

want even more than weight loss is to feel loved. Your brain may even actually think those two things are correlated, but they are not.

I'm all for being healthy, but if what you really, really, really want is to belong, to be "enough," to be loved, to be in meaningful connection-- then go straight for that.  No need to chase something else and leave to chance the feeling you really want!

This year, let's be women who focus on inviting more love in our lives, even when awkward, even when scary, even when we're tired.  I can't think of anything worth more celebrating a year from now than to be able to say, "I feel more loved than ever."

Standing on the Scale of My Love

It’s not about how much physical space I take up in this world, but about how much I’m willing to shine brighter and stand taller on behalf of others.

It’s not about having six-pack abs but about knowing how to hear my gut.

What size of clothes I wear pales in comparison with the size of my heart.

How many diets I’ve been on isn’t as important as how many gratitude entries I have in my journal.

My BMI doesn’t even come close to telling me as much about my health as the joy of the relationships around me does.

How fast I can run a mile doesn’t impress me nearly as much as how quickly I can forgive someone who has disappointed me.

How I feel about my thighs is of waning importance compared to how I feel about my purpose and calling in this world.

How much fat I can pinch on my waistline doesn’t even begin to rank with how many people I hope will hug me each day.

That I laced up my shoes to run this week is fabulous, but when was the last time I stopped and asked myself the far more important emotional question: “What in my life am I running from?”

We’ve been taught to care so much about the read-out on the bathroom scale; but I confirm today that it’s far more important that love weigh more than fear in my life.

I am a woman dedicated to inviting far more love in my life this year.

Admitting We Need Friends

Almost every amazing weight loss story starts with the person describing that moment when they realized something had to change:  they didn't fit into a certain outfit, couldn't complete a specific activity, saw a picture of themselves that shocked them or had a doctor clearly articulate their impending consequences.  What's amazing is that that moment surely wasn't the first picture they saw of themselves, wasn't the first size they outgrew or wasn't their first trip to a doctors office.  Denial is powerful for a long time.... woman with weight gain

And I'm telling you what, there are a lot of us in denial about our need for more female friendship.

Feeling our Disconnection

At almost every networking event I attend, when I describe to strangers that I help match women up for friendship, I inevitably hit a nerve.

Women I barely know start telling me how they still feel the loss of a recent friend who drifted away, as though begging me to explain why it hurts so much.  Some will concur how difficult it was upon moving here to figure out how to date for friends, telling me wishfully about their good friends back in New York City, or wherever home was before here.  A few will inevitably tear up in recognition that they are one of the throngs of women who feel lonelier than they care to admit. It never ceases to amaze me how vast the need is felt.

And keep in mind, these are the confident and strong women who are willing to network after-hours for their businesses and seem to know everyone around them.  Yet they still feel unknown. Ironically, at a time when our Facebook friend and Twitter count is growing rapidly, so is our loneliness. We are networked, but we seem to be lacking the real friends we need.

We're a whole lot more disconnected than we seem to be admitting to ourselves.

Unfortunately, feeling disconnected is as dangerous to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and twice as harmful as being obese.  This area of our life needs to move from the "it would be nice to have" category to the "I'll do whatever it takes to get it" category.

Feeling our Inspiration

Back to the weight loss metaphor.  While denial is admittedly there, it's often not that we don't see our weight gain as much as we don't always see what we can do differently.

When that breakthrough moment in the success story is shared, it's not that she suddenly realized she had put on weight.  It's that she finally decided to care enough about it to believe she could change the outcome.  Seeing the need is certainly a crucial step (it's step 1 of AA, after all) but just as significant is seeing how much power we actually have in providing the solution.

With research now suggesting that women are replacing half their friends every seven years, the process of finding, maintaining, fixing, growing, and letting go of friendships is only going to increase. This means most of us will feel the need several times in our lives.  It also means we need to become skillful in fostering new friendships.

My passion is to be a spirited voice on the journey giving us all a loving kick in the butt to admit how much we care and to engage in ways that will produce for us the friends we crave.  It's not going to happen instantly.  But this time next year, you could have a local circle of friends. Truly.

Have you ever felt denial over your need for friends? Why do you think it's hard to admit to ourselves? Do you feel more overwhelmed with the need or with feeling powerless to do anything about it?

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Huge thanks for sticking with me through the blog transfer to wordpress and feedblitz. I invite you to keep journeying with me as we carry on the conversation.  Forward any posting, share on facebook or twitter and definitely leave some comments so I know you're out there!  :)